Our week started on Monday morning. It was weird being able to sleep in and not having to rush off to work. We got to the hospital right at 11:30 and went to the pre-op area to wait. It seemed like the slowest hour and a half of my life. The operation was supposed to start at 1, but it felt like it would never get there. Then one o'clock came and went, and we were still waiting. This is one of the most nerve-wracking times I have ever experienced in my life. Finally they came to take her away. I was told to put on my scrubs and wait in the hallway. They would get me in a few minutes. I was probably waiting out there for 20 minutes, but it felt like hours. I was shaking. It was insane.
Finally they told me to come in. My wife already had her epidural and the incision had already been made. I sat on a stool up by her head and held her hand. Just a couple minutes later they asked me if I wanted to stand up and watch the baby get pulled out. I did, but I didn't get to see very much. It seemed like there was nothing, then in an instant the doctor was holding a tiny person. There was silence for a moment. I don't remember exactly what happened the next few seconds, but her cord was cut and she started to scream. It was amazing to hear her cry. It was amazing to have her out here in the world with us.
They took her over to the table and cleaned her off. She immediately started peeing. They had to hold a blanket between her legs so she didn't get it everywhere. When she stopped they wiped her off and bundled her up. As soon as she was all wrapped up she stopped crying. She just layed there, with her eyes open looking at me. They gave her to me and I carried her over so my wife could see her. I got to sit there for maybe 30 seconds and they had me up again and on my way to the nursery. The next 2 hours are a blur to me. I had an idea of how I would or should feel when I am seeing her and experiencing these things for the first time. However, in the moment my mind was just racing. I knew I was talking, but I had no clue what I was saying. I knew I was walking around, but I'm not sure how my legs kept me upright. I'm sure I was breathing, but only because my lungs wouldn't let me stop.
Once we were in our room things started to calm down and I was able to eat something for the first time that day. My mind stopped racing so much and I was so happy. My wife was doing fine, and our baby was completely healthy and absolutely gorgeous. All of our prayers had been answered.
When I first held her it didn't really feel like she was ours. It hadn't really sunk in that this little person was part of me. She is such a miracle. I realize that she isn't really ours. She is from God, and we are just here to take care of her and love her. I am looking forward to doing my best as a dad and spending tons of time with my little girl.
