I hate to say it, but the last year has not been a good one for me. That is obviously generalizing. I had tons of great moments and created some of the most wonderful memories I will ever ever have. I mean, HOLY CRAP, I had a kid! Said child is healthy and beautiful, so I really have nothing to complain about. All those who know me know I am a worrier. I always have been. I worry about everything, I just can't help it. The months leading up to the birth were filled with all kinds of thoughts that created that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Worry is one thing that I've always had to deal with, and I think I cope with it pretty well. However add on top of all that worry the most stressful job I have ever had, and it made for some rough times.
I switched jobs in the fall of 2009 to something that was totally outside of my comfort zone. It is always difficult to go into something completely new, but usually it helps you grow as a person. I've always considered myself easy going and laid back. Those attributes were helpful, but not necessarily valued in my new environment. I was met with conflict on a daily basis. I am naturally timid, and don't enjoy straight-up arguing with people. However, my job forced me into confrontation constantly, and has made me so much more comfortable dealing with those situations. I am by no means a pro at it, but I am much better than I once was. I am also much better at making decisions. I never really had to make decisions before, but for the last year I have been making them constantly.
The first quarter of the year is always by far the busiest time in my department. The fights-per-day rate over doubled at the first of the year. I feel like I dealt with it better than I did last year, but nonetheless it was extremely draining for me. We usually had long hours and sometimes had to continue working from home. Add to that a new baby at home. Even thought she does sleep really well, it has still been a reduction from what I was used to. I was grumpy, over-worked and tired of putting up the fight. My patience was short and I didn't handle situations as well as I should have. Over the last several weeks at work I have been the worst version of myself possible. I would get so much work piled on me that I just wanted to give up. Some innocent person would call with a question and I was ready to fight. I felt always on the defense and always completely stressed.
A couple weeks ago I was approached with the opportunity to change to a different department. It was perfect timing. I was so ready for something new. I don't believe anybody should ever quit doing something because it is difficult. For me it wasn't as much difficult as it was exhausting. It was a job of doing, and not a job of thinking. There was no time to think, and that doesn't fit my personality. I have always been one to analyze and look at a problem from different angles. I never want to depend on my knee-jerk reaction. My new position should be a better fit for me. I am looking forward to it.
I've felt less stressed this last week. That could be because I knew I would be changing jobs, or maybe because I've been on decongestants. I haven't been feeling well. The medication makes me feel like I am floating around in a bit of a haze, which has proven to be a good thing for dealing with all the issues on the job. I am going to miss all the people I worked with. Even though it was tough, we had a great group of people and I really enjoyed working for my boss. It was a year and a half where I learned a ton about business and about myself. I am a better person because of it it, though more cynical than I already was. I feel like I've aged at least five years in the last one from all the stress of the job and becoming a father. I've had a lot going on to say the least.
I'm not exactly sure how the next few months are going to go, but I am looking forward to them. I hope to have more energy to do the things I enjoy. I hope to be less grumpy at work, and especially less grumpy at home. I hope to get more sleep, be more active, and enjoy the spring.
